If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
