So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
