i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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