Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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