after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
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that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
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I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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