Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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