Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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