you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
