bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize