Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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