North Korea, Best Korea!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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