Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
