We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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