We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Semen is not good for contacts.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The air was thick with penises
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
