I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
