Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
