Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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