and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I could fuck to npr.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
