Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
MIDGETS
????
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
