five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
