dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
