his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
