Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
