I can't breathe out the right side of my face
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
