I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
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And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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