I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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