I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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