Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
