If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
