...so i touched it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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