White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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