Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
