Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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