I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
