Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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