Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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