Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
