wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
