That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
