You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
