the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
