I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
