I didn't shave. On purpose
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
