i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
