Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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