I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
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I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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