in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
ttyl tear gas
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
