At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
