Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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