Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
