He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
