You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
