i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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