maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
