my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
