I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have tasted many bathrooms
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize