I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
