Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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