Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
