i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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