He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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