Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
