He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
