dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
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I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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