My hand turned me down
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
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