Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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