Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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