dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
