Whatcha textin bout Willis?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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