Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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