Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
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He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
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Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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