This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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