everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
